so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
