so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
