saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
