all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
