i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
