shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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