btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Blood and glitter go together right?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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