Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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