You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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