i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
