You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
