Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
