Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
