Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
