Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i barfeds in our rink
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
