i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize