it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you will always have a special place in my vag
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
