On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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