you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
