You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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