I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
