how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
