Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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