I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
