Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
