I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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