"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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