i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just google imaged poop.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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