we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
