would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
