Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize