How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I had to cum in my sink.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
