respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
