Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
