took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
