Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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