OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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