just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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