The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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