I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize