So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
