Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
