Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
