Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
