I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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