just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
