He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
