Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I need to calm my uterus...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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