New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
