I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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