it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
