how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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