New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
