You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
