I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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