Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
