I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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