I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
