last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
