My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
