you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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