It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
