Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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