He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
