think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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