I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
