NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
