so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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