Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
